FREE: Flamboyant Rooster
Early riser. Crows showtunes at dawn, struts like he owns the barn. Great morale booster, questionable HOA fit.
FOUND: Single Work Glove
Left hand, deeply philosophical. Keeps asking where its partner went. Claims to have seen Bigfoot.
FOR TRADE: Box of Left Boots
Sizes 8–14, all lefts. Perfect for centipedes with commitment issues. Swap for venison jerky.
SEEKING: Quiet Generator
Current one only knows one volume: tornado siren. Need something neighbor-friendly.
FREE: Taxidermy Owl (Animated?)
Turns head 360° whenever thunder rolls. Hoots in D minor. May be haunted, but politely.
HELP WANTED: Sasquatch Wrangler
Must run 5K in waders and keep secrets. Dental included (yours). Fringe benefits: fringe.
FOR SALE: Canoe With Opinions
Always wants to paddle upstream “for character.” Comes with two paddles and life advice.
NOTICE: Haunted Thermos
Keeps coffee hot for 3 days and whispers train schedules. Probably fine.